The Ripple Effect by Monica Gelinas

I have adopted a new agreement with myself.

Make no assumptions.

Easier said than done. It lasted about one hour the first day I implemented my agreement.

The concept of staying on the “learner” path in life includes this phrase:

Don’t make assumptions.

The intent is to keep my focus on asking questions and thus staying off the “judger” path when we are faced with a challenge, decision, conflict or transition in daily life.

I decided to make it a way of life.

The first thing I noticed is that I was making A LOT of assumptions. Not all bad or negative, just believing things that had no evidence.

Therefore, I was not living in reality, the truth. I could easily misunderstand or develop a misconception about someone, an event or circumstance all because I made an assumption.

Thus came the ripple effect.

It begins with one assumption, a “story” in my head to explain or solve something.

A misconception.

Then judgment.

Then a belief based on that judgment.

Finally, an emotional response followed most likely, by a related behavior.

Behaviors can lead to patterns. All based on something that has no supporting evidence or truth.

And this takes a whole lot of time and can be a set up for suffering.

The second thing I noticed as I practiced, I had more space in my mind.

Space to “be”.

My emotions were not easily triggered. I approached relationships with ease and peace knowing this new way of being ushered in freedom.

Freedom to be authentic.

Because some of my assumptions were about myself.

The practice invaded moments of private conversations about my worth, my work, my relationship, my past, my future, all based on my own inward assumptions.

Another ripple effect.

And third, the empowerment to not make assumptions came from the freedom to ask questions.

Questions became my guard.

If I felt like I was going to assume a reason someone is behaving a certain way, I would ask a clarifying question.

I grabbed on to courage.

Courage to ask even though it was risky or uncomfortable. The more I asked, the easier it became. Questions to myself included.

My relationships are growing and flourishing as I can be in the moment with others without judgment and I can see myself more clearly.

As Executive Director of CC4C, I have been applying my agreement of no assumptions to the leadership of our staff, my relationships with our network of supporters, volunteers and partnerships. This new arena has strengthened this practice and the ripple effects are strong and numerous.

Sometimes, in the midst of a challenging conversation, I would excuse myself and repeat:

“No assumptions” over and over. It was a shield for my mind and consequently, my heart.

Because I have the facts or evidence to support the belief. I can move forward, gaining strength and wisdom each day.

This agreement has enhanced my life. Transformed my life. I actually feel happier.

Unexpected happiness.

Another ripple effect.

Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. - John 8:32